Christmas Gift for Anyone & Everyone!!
Moderator: Admin
-
obiwankobe
- Posts: 2828
- Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2005 11:56 am
- Location: Newbury Park
- Contact:
Christmas Gift for Anyone & Everyone!!
-tom
~"Let there be no conflict in America, if you bother me, I whup yo' ass."~Charles Barkley
~"Let there be no conflict in America, if you bother me, I whup yo' ass."~Charles Barkley
-
The Rizen shloemoe
- Posts: 2029
- Joined: Mon Aug 28, 2006 9:42 am
-
obiwankobe
- Posts: 2828
- Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2005 11:56 am
- Location: Newbury Park
- Contact:
Are you a mean bastard, like us? Want to be known as the guy who ruined Christmas, ’06? Well, we’ve got the gift ideas for you!
-For a 10-year-old kid
“What in the World Do You Do When Your Parents Divorce?: A Survival Guide for Kids”
Kid: “Wait…my parents are getting a divorce?”
You: “It’s all in the book, lad. It’s all in the book.”
Kid: “But…”
You: “Book. Read it. Good day.”
-For your wife/girlfriend
Calphalon Commercial Nonstick 10- and 12-Inch Omelette Pan Combo Pack
She’s probably gonna laugh it off like it’s a gag gift and will be waiting for the “real” gift. So laugh along with her…then when she asks where the “real” gift is, smile and say, “That’s coming tomorrow, when you cook your first good omelet.”
-For your mom and dad
Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing
Right before you hand this to your dad, whisper in his ear “This will answer a lot of questions you’ve always had.” Then slap him on the butt.
-For Your Grandma
Grateful Grandma’s Gang Bang, Starring Sarah Maples
It’ll mostly be funny for you. Your grandma’s glaucoma is so bad she won’t be able to tell what’s going on. Plus, there’s no way grandma knows how to work a DVD Player.
-For your good buddy, who happens to have a serious acne problem
Conair BE4R Classique Double-Sided Lighted Makeup Mirror with 5x Magnification
Tell your best bud, “I haven’t been seeing enough of you, bro!” Then hand him the box and say “here’s something that will change all that.”
-For Your Boss
Stopping the Train: The Landmark Victory Over Same-Sex Sexual Harassment in the Workplace
After your boss sees what you’ve given him, flash a smile and say “For, uhm, future reference…”
-For The Chick At Work Who Wouldn’t Go Out With You
13 inch warthog skull
Just leave it on her desk with your name scratched into the side. She won’t be working at the company for much longer after that.
-For Your Diabetic, Overweight Neighbor
Chocolate Lover’s Gourmet Popcorn Tin
There’s no way the lard ass can help herself, so you might wanna leave it anonymously, in case she dies. Don’t leave an evidence trail, my friend!
-For The Homeless Guy On Your Corner
An electric can opener
“Now all you need to do is find an outlet…and a can! Take it easy, big guy.”
-For Your PETA Activist Aunt Teresa
The Omaha Steaks Holiday Gift Pack
Bring it over and start cooking the steaks with all of her pans and forks and shit before she can even start up about her animal rights bullshit.
-For The Kid In Your Town Who Got Into A Football Accident and Is Now A Quadriplegic
The Nintendo Wii
-For a 10-year-old kid
“What in the World Do You Do When Your Parents Divorce?: A Survival Guide for Kids”
Kid: “Wait…my parents are getting a divorce?”
You: “It’s all in the book, lad. It’s all in the book.”
Kid: “But…”
You: “Book. Read it. Good day.”
-For your wife/girlfriend
Calphalon Commercial Nonstick 10- and 12-Inch Omelette Pan Combo Pack
She’s probably gonna laugh it off like it’s a gag gift and will be waiting for the “real” gift. So laugh along with her…then when she asks where the “real” gift is, smile and say, “That’s coming tomorrow, when you cook your first good omelet.”
-For your mom and dad
Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing
Right before you hand this to your dad, whisper in his ear “This will answer a lot of questions you’ve always had.” Then slap him on the butt.
-For Your Grandma
Grateful Grandma’s Gang Bang, Starring Sarah Maples
It’ll mostly be funny for you. Your grandma’s glaucoma is so bad she won’t be able to tell what’s going on. Plus, there’s no way grandma knows how to work a DVD Player.
-For your good buddy, who happens to have a serious acne problem
Conair BE4R Classique Double-Sided Lighted Makeup Mirror with 5x Magnification
Tell your best bud, “I haven’t been seeing enough of you, bro!” Then hand him the box and say “here’s something that will change all that.”
-For Your Boss
Stopping the Train: The Landmark Victory Over Same-Sex Sexual Harassment in the Workplace
After your boss sees what you’ve given him, flash a smile and say “For, uhm, future reference…”
-For The Chick At Work Who Wouldn’t Go Out With You
13 inch warthog skull
Just leave it on her desk with your name scratched into the side. She won’t be working at the company for much longer after that.
-For Your Diabetic, Overweight Neighbor
Chocolate Lover’s Gourmet Popcorn Tin
There’s no way the lard ass can help herself, so you might wanna leave it anonymously, in case she dies. Don’t leave an evidence trail, my friend!
-For The Homeless Guy On Your Corner
An electric can opener
“Now all you need to do is find an outlet…and a can! Take it easy, big guy.”
-For Your PETA Activist Aunt Teresa
The Omaha Steaks Holiday Gift Pack
Bring it over and start cooking the steaks with all of her pans and forks and shit before she can even start up about her animal rights bullshit.
-For The Kid In Your Town Who Got Into A Football Accident and Is Now A Quadriplegic
The Nintendo Wii
-tom
~"Let there be no conflict in America, if you bother me, I whup yo' ass."~Charles Barkley
~"Let there be no conflict in America, if you bother me, I whup yo' ass."~Charles Barkley
-
chriswasanon
- Posts: 490
- Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 10:59 am
- Location: Scotland
- Contact:
-
assholitis
- Posts: 1332
- Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2005 1:22 pm
- Location: Orange County
Re: Christmas Gift for Anyone & Everyone!!
obiwankobe wrote:
This thread has been...
Alone we stand, together we fall apart.
*sireofwilshire*
*sireofwilshire*