Rules of Myspace
Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 4:46 pm
rules of myspace
1. "NEW PICS" bulletins are fucking desperate and sad.
2. Don't throw up gang signs in your user pictures.
(f.y.i. actual gangsters don't have myspaces, sorry)
3. Don't flash gang signs anywhere, at all, end of story.
4. List bands that don't really exist in your profile, it's cool.
5. myspace is not real life.
6. If you've ever posted a "myspace is shutting down" bulletin, i fucking hate you, and your entire family. If you honestly took your time to re-post something for fear of having your precious myspace deleted, then i've probably lost all respect for you, and you should look into getting a life...
7. Slideshow's, 2+ video's on a page, and "insane graphics", do not make you look cool. They make you annoying. And yes, i hate you.
8. If you highly exploit the idea that you've ever smoked marijuana before, with every other word on your page, and "sick pics of ur BONG" then check yourself. Realize that you've based your entire image around being less intelligent than most.
9. School pictures, sports team pictures, and pictures of your friends, without you in them, are all things that nobody gives a fuck about. And deep down inside, you've known that all along.
10. You should probably question your sexuality if you take more pictures of yourself, than anything else in your camera...
11. "i don't really watch tv" = LIAR
12. FORBIDDEN is hot.
13. If you list anyone who's ever appeared on MTV's Trl, in your heroes section, then you need to drive your goddamn jetta away from the mall, and go to a fucking library. Now.
14. myspace is not real life.
15. If you die, before deleting your myspace, it will be up as long as anyone else's is.
16. If you die, because of your myspace being deleted, i lack sympathy for you. This is not the stock market. If Tom dies, and you label the upcoming drama "the great depression", i will strongly consider hunting your family pet..
17. Myspace has made Tila Tequila a genuine low-level celebrity... honestly, think about that...
18. Posting the same bulletin 3 times in a row is never an accident, and is only idiotic. It should grant you a free punch in the throat.
19. myspace is not real life
20. comments;
a. "thnx 4 the add" is not a comment... it's a message
b."just showin' sum luv" is not a comment...it's a stupid message
c."oh my god, u were sooooo wasted last night at the show, i can't
believe u gave that creepy guy your number!!!!" is not a comment, it's a sad attempt to exploit the lesser known fact that you might possibly have a non-internet social life.
d. promoting your band or website, is not a comment, it's lame...
21. straight guys flexing with their shirts off are not straight
22. friendster was not "back in the day"
23. Nobody wants to watch the "So Crazy In Love" video everytime they look at your page.
24. No one wants to watch the "So Crazy In Love" video, period.
25. Posting a comment such as "yum, ur fucken hawtt," or "damn, ur hella fine" underneath a decent-looking girl's picture is not going to get you laid... ever.
26. Myspace is not real life.
27. You're never going get to a free I-Pod, with no strings attached ever... sorry.
28. "Cool New People"...according to fucking who?
29. You never actually "only made one to look at other peoples". It's a lie, and a shitty one at that.
30. Listing your city/location with the word "baby!!" after it, is not appealing...
31. NeIthEr iZ WrItInG LyKe ThIs 0r +h!$. (if you've ever done that, ever, even "in like 7th grade", i will never have sex with you.)
32. If you use the terms: "scenesters, hardcore kids, electro-clashers, or punx, or write the abbreviation HxC, sXe, even in the sense that your making fun of the above listed, i hate you. i don't think you're cool, and i'd most likely like to pour Morton Salt in your eyelids..
1. "NEW PICS" bulletins are fucking desperate and sad.
2. Don't throw up gang signs in your user pictures.
(f.y.i. actual gangsters don't have myspaces, sorry)
3. Don't flash gang signs anywhere, at all, end of story.
4. List bands that don't really exist in your profile, it's cool.
5. myspace is not real life.
6. If you've ever posted a "myspace is shutting down" bulletin, i fucking hate you, and your entire family. If you honestly took your time to re-post something for fear of having your precious myspace deleted, then i've probably lost all respect for you, and you should look into getting a life...
7. Slideshow's, 2+ video's on a page, and "insane graphics", do not make you look cool. They make you annoying. And yes, i hate you.
8. If you highly exploit the idea that you've ever smoked marijuana before, with every other word on your page, and "sick pics of ur BONG" then check yourself. Realize that you've based your entire image around being less intelligent than most.
9. School pictures, sports team pictures, and pictures of your friends, without you in them, are all things that nobody gives a fuck about. And deep down inside, you've known that all along.
10. You should probably question your sexuality if you take more pictures of yourself, than anything else in your camera...
11. "i don't really watch tv" = LIAR
12. FORBIDDEN is hot.
13. If you list anyone who's ever appeared on MTV's Trl, in your heroes section, then you need to drive your goddamn jetta away from the mall, and go to a fucking library. Now.
14. myspace is not real life.
15. If you die, before deleting your myspace, it will be up as long as anyone else's is.
16. If you die, because of your myspace being deleted, i lack sympathy for you. This is not the stock market. If Tom dies, and you label the upcoming drama "the great depression", i will strongly consider hunting your family pet..
17. Myspace has made Tila Tequila a genuine low-level celebrity... honestly, think about that...
18. Posting the same bulletin 3 times in a row is never an accident, and is only idiotic. It should grant you a free punch in the throat.
19. myspace is not real life
20. comments;
a. "thnx 4 the add" is not a comment... it's a message
b."just showin' sum luv" is not a comment...it's a stupid message
c."oh my god, u were sooooo wasted last night at the show, i can't
believe u gave that creepy guy your number!!!!" is not a comment, it's a sad attempt to exploit the lesser known fact that you might possibly have a non-internet social life.
d. promoting your band or website, is not a comment, it's lame...
21. straight guys flexing with their shirts off are not straight
22. friendster was not "back in the day"
23. Nobody wants to watch the "So Crazy In Love" video everytime they look at your page.
24. No one wants to watch the "So Crazy In Love" video, period.
25. Posting a comment such as "yum, ur fucken hawtt," or "damn, ur hella fine" underneath a decent-looking girl's picture is not going to get you laid... ever.
26. Myspace is not real life.
27. You're never going get to a free I-Pod, with no strings attached ever... sorry.
28. "Cool New People"...according to fucking who?
29. You never actually "only made one to look at other peoples". It's a lie, and a shitty one at that.
30. Listing your city/location with the word "baby!!" after it, is not appealing...
31. NeIthEr iZ WrItInG LyKe ThIs 0r +h!$. (if you've ever done that, ever, even "in like 7th grade", i will never have sex with you.)
32. If you use the terms: "scenesters, hardcore kids, electro-clashers, or punx, or write the abbreviation HxC, sXe, even in the sense that your making fun of the above listed, i hate you. i don't think you're cool, and i'd most likely like to pour Morton Salt in your eyelids..
